Regret. There's still time

The As I get older, the reality of seeing the end becomes more real; especially since I have reached my most recent milestone...50. Thinking tonight about the word "regret" makes me ponder the past and peer into the future.

I've really tried to live my life with little regret. Being imperfect means I haven't accomplished this; not 100%. But I really had to think about things to jot down those moments where I had personal remorse; internal regret. Moments like some of those silly fights that Elizabeth (my wife) and I had. Going to bed without saying "I love you" Not listening intently to my children because my mind (heart) was at work.

But off with the negative, here is a list (not exhaustive list) of things I don't regret.
I don't regret telling my girlfriend at the age of 17 that I was interested in her as a person and not what she could provide for me. You don't have to read between the line on this on. This decision created a relationship that had a foundation that was built to last.
I don't regret putting God in the center of my marriage. We found out early on, the closer each of us got to God, the closer we got to each other. We called it our God Triangle. Picture that.
I don't regret having children in my mid-twenties. It makes for the entrance into my fifties footloose and fancy free.
I don't regret spending money on trips to the Rockies with my family when they were young. We spent multiple Christmas' in Steamboat Colorado. We would pack our little Christmas tree in the suit case and place it on the dining room table of the condo we would rent. These are memories that I reach for all the time. I go there often
I don't regret encouraging a strong relationship with my children and their grandparents. Truly, their investment in my children have paid dividends in their lives and ours.
I don't regret the two year journey trying to find Elizabeth's birth mother. The journey created relationships we both can't imagine not having in our life today.
I don't regret the travel Liz and I have been blessed to enjoy. We talk often about some of the wild
adventures these travels have provided. Together we have made every effort to embrace the different cultures of the world, from South America to Europe, Africa to Italy, Turkey to Greece. I really encourage you to break outside of your comfort zone regarding travel. You won't regret it.
I don't regret the friendships I've made. My friends have enriched my life. Those of you who are close to me know exactly who I'm talking about. Some of you I've known since I was a child, some of you I have branded cattle with, others I've floated the majestic rivers charted by Meriwether Lewis and William Clark,  others I have filled spreadsheets full of real estate transactions with.
I don't regret spending over 7 weeks  of our lives on mission with Operation Smile and participating in some small way of helping a child with a cleft lip or palette look into a mirror with a new complete smile. 
I don't regret one minute in the duck blind or fishing boat with my son, whether the temperature was 5 degrees in a 4X6 box in the Pamlico Sound or seated in a boat getting a Teva Strap tan.
Should I continue....the thought causes my mind to go into marathon mode. 
So the question is, is there anything I regret I haven't done, seen or participated in. Yes, Yes, Yes. 
The human heart has an insatiable appetite for more, new, something else. I'm not sure if I should say "I'm guilty of that", or simply " yes...that's me."  I think this insatiable appetite is the seed for where many of our goals come from. So I guess the key to a healthy spiritual and productive life lies around how you direct your appetite. 
When I'm 80, I hope I'm able to say, I shared Christ with my friends; not with a fire hydrant but with a gentle spirit. I hope I'm able to say "I've taken care of my body (health)" I hope I'm able to inspire my grandchildren on a life filled with adventure; understanding what is truly the most important things.

This was a good exercise for me to jot these ideas down. Its a reminder to live everyday with intention, creating goals that reflect the goodness of a spiritual king. Like I said, we are imperfect...so Ill end by saying "Life with very little regrets".....that's the good life!

The River Didn't Leave Us.

Every now in then, we need a day of rest.

Early on an April Morning, my good friend Lee Rollins and I rolled through Wolf Creek, a sleepy cross road that follows the Prickly Pear Creek into the mighty Missouri River in Montana. With a hint of dew still on the drift boats parked at the CrossCurrents Fly shop, we eagerly waited for my good friend Taylor Todd to show up. Taylor began his fishing career  while in college. Saving money working at various outfitters, he purchased a Clackacraft boat, a classic drift boat that fly fishermen use to fish rivers. Using the business skills he learned getting his master's degree, and the experience he earned floating the rivers in central Montana, i learned that Taylor was not only a good guy but an exceptional fisherman. 
 The Drive from Helena was amazing as we drove over the incredible mountain called "The Sleeping Giant". Although on the east coast morning temperatures were in the 60s, this morning was a little nippy with temps in the low to mid 30s. So we loaded our gear, put on our waders and headed for what the local fishermen call "The Canyons". This is a section of the river with high cliffs, tunneled rocks where the railroad bridge goes across the confluence of the Dearborn and Missouri.
As I shifted my eyes up the 800 foot banks, I thought about the story you find in the first book of the bible,  "For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy (Exodus 20:8”)".
While God probably didn't really need rest after his magnificent 6 days of creating our earth, I do believe he was making an effort to create the idea that man needs rest and spiritual reflection. I thought, as we drifted idly down the swift moving water, now this is what I call rest. No phones ringing, no email to reply to. If for just 8 hours on this beautiful river, I will participate in my own sabbath, enjoying rest and in my heart recognizing the work that only took God six days to perform.  

Since we showed up in late April and the May fly hatch had only begun to effect the river, Taylor suggested that we nymph fish. When most people think about fly fishing, they think about dry flies. These are feathered flies that simulate various type of fly hatches that are native along the river. So, we used small little nymphs. Trout do most of their feeding underwater, and day in and day out you'll catch more trout on wet flies and nymphs.
My Friend Lee Rollins received his instructions for casting by Taylor.  Being a new drift fisherman,  he had some trepidation about proving his seat in the boat. Nobody wants to fish and see others catching while they're not. Sure enough, H. Lee was the first to reel in a 20 inch rainbow. The colors on this fish were magnificent, but the expression on Lee's face was even more. The pressure was off. Actually the pressure was transferred to me. 

While we did have the best guide on the Missouri River, I couldn't give complete credit to Taylor. Tim Keller in his book, Every Good Endeavor,  spoke about what I see was the truth of our day. He said "To practice Sabbath is a disciplined and faithful way to remember that you are not the one who keeps the world running, who provides for your family, not even the one who keeps your work projects moving forward.” That concept was surely applicable to our day. Each fish we caught seemed like a gift from God.

All in all, we caught close to 20 fish that day. We watched the weather change from 35 degrees to a comfortable 55 with the cumulonimbis clouds towering over the canyons like great big umbrellas of shade.

Weather quickly changing in Montana

Taylor Todd, made our day easy, but more important, his understanding of particular fish holes, stream movements and fly patterns made our experience amazing.
We were set for two days of fishing the Missouri and the second day exceeded the first day in terms of catch. As typical for spring in Montana, we saw a significant weather changes on day two. We started this day just above freezing, saw the sun shine warming the boat up to 50 + - degrees but by 4 PM we experienced sleet and rain. The good news is we had on our Orvis waders and rain jackets; all in all we were dry and kinda warm.

Some people would say we traveled to Montana. I'd say we experienced it. Like a spiritual baptism, our sabbath (rest) on the water cleansed our minds, renewed our thoughts and allow us to re enter our work environment re energized with a greater appreciation of God's creation and friendship.  But understand, we may have left the river, but in our hearts and minds, it didn't leave us. 

Taylor Todd lives in Helena Montana. You'll find Taylor about 9 months a year somewhere on Montana's incredible rivers.  I met Taylor thru the CrossCurrents Fly shop. He can be reached at 406-438-6445. If you're looking for an instructive, fish catching experience....Call Taylor!

Pictured here with his beautiful fiancé, Abby (who's a pretty darn good fisherman)