The incredible Science that makes us think

Having been involved in the pregnancy care centers for 17 years, I have seen a lot of changes. In 2000, I joined Salem Pregnancy Care Center board located in Winston Salem, NC. Motivated from the life experience of being married to an adopted child whose birth-mother was ministered to during her crisis pregnancy, it was my hopes in some small way to give back and just maybe help a mother who was considering an abortion and to help her rethink that decision.

There’s no question that when leadership in North Carolina passed the NC Woman’s Right to Know Act” (House Bill 854 / S.L. 2011-405), supporters of life were excited.  Like any divisive issue, it came with extensive criticism. The law was passed and went into effect in October 2011. The bill outlined several new guidelines which must be met and carried out before a woman can receive an abortion. It was originally vetoed by Governor Bev Perdue but the veto was overridden by the General Assembly. North Carolina was the third state to require a provider to place ultrasound images in a woman’s line of sight and to describe them in detail. Also, a woman must receive state-directed counseling that includes information about having an abortion, and then wait 72 hours before the procedure is performed. In North Carolina, an abortion may be performed at up to 20 weeks. Now, the

18 Weeks

parent of a minor must consent before an abortion is provided.

These facts are interesting and uncover a lot of insight into the legislative mindset of North Carolina law makers, but more importantly is the interesting shift that is taking place in the American mindset with regard to abortion.

But why?

I believe technology and medicine over the last 10 -15 years have created a narrative about the birth process that has undeniably caused even some of the most staunch supporters of choice,  to rethink exactly what it is that is being terminated and what exactly by means of aspiration deprivation is  being ended. Pictures and ultrasound imaging have provided the ability to show to the mother a beating heart; the incredible formation of life.  With these laws, it has slowed down the rush to abort and created a new education process that, whereby a  young woman can make an informed decision. The word “education” and “informed” I believe are key words. A decision to abort undeniably comes with consequences, both emotionally and physically. In our post political world of Roe vs Wade, words were crafted to mollify the harsh idea of abortion. The positive word “choice” became the outcry.

Despite the political positioning of this issue, I have a content heart knowing that I’ve been a voice for the human being who did not yet have a voice. You might call it an advocate for the unborn.

In case you were wondering… I’m not placing any judgement on post abortive females. In fact, Salem has a program called “Her Choice to Heal”. It is geared to help women who are post-abortive. They are offered love, support and guidance.

I’m confident many who read this will take issue to my position. However, when you are looking at the imagery of the womb created by the incredible technology of ultra-sounds, give pause for what this is…..life.

Revive Me Again

Saturday Night came on quickly with the hint of an autumn cold. I took 2 Nyquil cold pills and my eye lids suddenly became so heavy that I couldn’t lift them. Forgoing my nightly ritual, I woke up after 8 solid hours of sleep and realized that I did not plug in my iPhone. In today’s world, that’s like going to bed with your shoes on…. you just don’t forget something like that.

The coma-like sleep I enjoyed in actuality was an unintentional experiment.  You could call it a scientific procedure undertaken without intention, but with a new discovery demonstrating an unrealized fact.

So, here’s how the experiment took place. Before getting on the way to church this morning, I asked Siri what the weather would be. I looked at my phone and only had 12% of my battery left. I thought to myself, I’ll get 10% in the car on the way. By the time we left the driveway, I realized that the car charger was in another vehicle. I began to think…conservation!! On Sundays, I use my phone in Bible Fellowship and our church has an app that gives you the ability to digitally make your offering. I said to myself, “the smartphone is a spiritual necessity ;-)”. By the time Jerry Morrison, our teacher, began to teach, I had the urge to check my email, respond to a text and yes, check a Facebook push notification. By this point, I was down to 2%. Then….  black-screen. It was an emotional experience. I felt like the digital door had just shut. Darkness fell upon the face of my earth.  I looked at my neighbor who was following the Bible Fellowship teacher intently with his ancient calf-skin cover 1000-page bible. Ink marks were actually in the side notes of his bible; The book even had a silk-ribboned page marker.  At the same time, Jerry, the bible teacher said, what is it in your life that causes you to take focus off of Christ. I looked at my black screen and said “could there be a hypothesis that would suggest that the smartphone in fact causes a person to take focus off of what or who you should be paying attention to?  Unfortunately, like sin nature, suddenly, I was thinking… “could someone be trying to text me”, “could someone be sending me an email”, “where can I find a charger”?  Then in that moment of self-reflection, it came upon me and I raised my hand. I confessed, our smartphones have the ability to take our focus off of Christ. Not just that, they can take your focus off of family and friends.  Elizabeth (My wife) has demonstrated frustration with me in the car when she is driving with my preoccupation to Facebook, audio book, and text messages.

On the way home, after placing a “thermometer” in my heart, I realized my issue was “digital addictiveness.”. It came on slowly without realizing I was infected.  

I think the point in this blog is to suggest we all become aware of what technology has created within our interpersonal relationships. Emotional multi-tasking with your phone typically will create a less than authentic conversation with whom you are in front of.  With intention, I am going to try to refocus my attention.

In all candor, I’m not turning my phone off. I’m not going to quit accepting and sending text messages, heck, I’m not even going to quit Facebook, but in light of this experiment, I am going to intentionally reconsider effective time management of accepting and giving text, IMs and other push notification.  I’m going to try to be a little more aware of this digital phenomenon that our technology culture has created.  

So like Christ who raised Lazarus from the grave, I'm going to try to bring back to life the idea of completely being there.  Revive me again! 
PS: If my buddy in Montana reads this...I know, you and L have preached this to me before. 

Five things can make a difference!

“The one who chooses to Love will find appropriate ways to express that decision everyday.” 

Gary Chapman

Gary, Karolyn, Liz and me

Scrolling through the net, I came upon this quote. Gary is a pastor at my church, a number 1 best-selling author and more importantly a friend.

In this quote, a couple of words really jumped out at me. The first word was “chooses”. Thinking about love; I went inward. There is no doubt that Elizabeth (my wife) chooses to love me. I am certain there are times I’m a very unlovable person. But because she makes that personal decision to love me, it causes me to love her even more. While Elizabeth in my eyes has very few flaws, I’ll go out on a limb and tell you that she isn’t perfect. But as I have gotten older, I have intentionally chosen to look inward when I see others flaws outwardly. It gives me pause to realize I am no perfect person. I have a lot of issues myself. The fact that Elizabeth “chooses” to love me causes my love “tank” to  get filled. Of all the people in the world for her to commit to, she chose me and chooses to continue loving me.

The other word that leaped off the page was “appropriate”. What are the appropriate ways to express love to your significant other. I’ll go back and use the word intention. Over our 28 years of marriage, I have intentionally made efforts to express my inner most feelings for Elizabeth. Using Gary’s book, The Five Love Languages, I attempted to discover her love language. Very quickly, I learned it wasn’t the same as mine. I also learned that offering that love language was not a special moment, but a lifestyle.-- I hope you get that. --In other words, it’s not about creating a special date night to where the moment gives cause for and isolated exchange of gifts, affirming words, held hands, acts of service or quality time. It’s about making Mondays as giving of yourself as Friday nights. And that’s when the word “everyday” leaped off the page to me. Don’t get me wrong, we love our special date nights!

Foggy day on the Sea of Galilee near Tiberus

Probably the greatest Christian witness for a person is marriage. It shows the world the most intimate  relationship, selflessness, commitment and union.  Marriage was created by God. His design where two people come together to become one. They are called to reflect what the bible calls a reflection of Christ and his bride the church. This simile to me is the most beautiful of all in the bible. In God’s creation of this union, the miracle of procreation can take place. It’s a walk together through economic good times and bad, healthiness and weakness, hard times and good times.

As with anything, a marriage produces dividends. They can be good and bad depending on how you have fertilized the relationship. Other than putting your spouse as number one on this earth, the witness that you are showing your children will pay huge dividends when they marry. And as a parent, I know you want nothing but the best for your children. It’s God’s natural order

So, consider Gary’s quote. “Choose”……”Appropriate love”……..”Everyday”.

As a consideration, shoot a text to your spouse….tell them what they mean to you. I predict you’ll love the reaction you get.

It couldn't have happened to me!

It couldn’t be me? Grant it, I’m middle age, but how could this have happen to me.

Coming to terms with the aging process can really frustrate a young minded middle age guy (notice my description of self). Although I could stand to lose 15 pounds, I have always been health conscience attempting to stay active. I’ve considered myself very healthy.

Over the last few years, Elizabeth and I have argued about very little. However, when we get in front of the TV, we played tug-a-war with the volume. I wanted it on 18, she wanted it on 10. For a long time, I thought it was just a gender thing. Later, I began struggling in group settings hearing people I would be having a conversation with. Then, embarrassed, people would speak to me and I would simply nod my head to acknowledge them. They could have been asking me a question, they could have told me they thought I was stupid….I’d just grin and try to change the subject to “it’s a great day”. It honestly became uncomfortable.

A few Sunday’s ago, I had a friend come to me and say “Kyle, did you not hear me hollering for you this morning?” I said “no”.  The time had come for me to have a hearing exam. But before I called the doctor, I ask this close friend, an attractive lady who happens to have hearing aids, to give me the scoop. When I called her, she said it would be a “game changer”. She suggested that it would change my quality of life. I was thinking… “are you serious?”

So, because I have faith in my friend, I called Dr. Scott Mills, an audiologist with Carolina Hearing Doctors. When the lady called me back, Dr. Mills asked me a series of questions. 15 minutes later he took me to a glass room and sat outside behind me asking me to press a button when I hear certain sounds. By the end of the hour-long meeting, he diagnosed me. In fact, I do have hearing loss; in both ears. He asked me about sounds…what could have caused this issue.  Like talking to a priest in a confessional box, I admitted to hard rock, shotguns and diesel engines. Years of rocking in my vehicle, killing ducks in cold duck blinds and running the bush hog caused me to lose my hearing. Heredity possibly caused some of the problem too.

So, he ordered me a set of hearing aids. Anxiously I waited one week. Treating me like her little baby, Elizabeth came to the fitting. Packaged like an iPhone, Dr. Mills unpackaged these new hearing devices. I was wondering deep in my heart, “would these things make any difference?”  So, he placed them in my ears and said, “can you hear better”. I said “No”, he said “good, I have them turned off”. Them with the press of a button, he turned them on. Have you ever had an AHA moment?  Wow! Instantly, I could hear things. He and his staff explained how they worked, and off I went.

Since that fitting, I have heard the blinker on the car, I have heard birds that I have missed. I now want the tv on about 10. Funny thing now is that I ask Elizabeth to lower her voice.

I came to terms with this issue of middle age called hearing loss. Rather than being frustrated with what I can’t change, I hit it head on. I can honestly say this has been one of the best decisions I’ve made in some time.