Snow Is Coming: A Southerner’s Official Survival Guide

Snow is coming

 

When snow is mentioned in the South, it’s not a forecast.


It’s a full-scale lifestyle adjustment.


Somewhere, a weatherman casually says, “There might be a chance of snow,” and within minutes, the South responds like a hurricane is forming offshore.


Step One: Panic-Buy the Essentials (You Know the Ones)


No one knows why milk, bread, and eggs are required to survive snow, but history has proven this is non-negotiable.


Even people who are lactose intolerant suddenly think,


“We might need two gallons.”


The grocery store shelves empty faster than a church potluck line when fried chicken hits the table. If you see someone guarding the last loaf of white bread, mind your business.


Step Two: Fill Up Everything That Has Ever Burned Gas


Cars? Yes.

Trucks? Absolutely.

ATV? Might as well.

Boat? Why not.


Southerners believe snow can sense a low fuel gauge from three counties away. Nobody wants to be the person saying, “I should’ve filled up,” while staring at an icy driveway.


Step Three: Charge All Electronics Like It’s the End Times


Phones. Tablets. Laptops. Old phones you forgot existed. Portable chargers you bought five years ago and never opened.


Because snow might knock out power…

but worse — it might knock out Wi-Fi.


And if that happens, how will anyone know you’re snowed in?


Step Four: Talk About the Fireplace (Even If It’s Decorative)


Suddenly, everyone becomes an expert in fireplaces.


Doesn’t matter if it hasn’t been used since 1998 — now it’s essential.


Someone will say:

  • “We’ll just build a fire.”, 
  • “Good thing we got firewood,”, whether you have gas logs or not. 
  • “This reminds me of the big snow in ’93.”


No one remembers what actually happened in ’93, but everyone agrees it was bad.


Step Five: Watch the Weather Like It’s a Sporting Event


Radar apps get refreshed every 30 seconds.


We analyze snow bands.

We argue about inches.

We debate if “wintry mix” means snow, ice, or heartbreak.


Schools close before the first flake hits the ground, and everyone pretends they didn’t secretly hope for that text.


When the Snow Finally Falls


If it sticks — even half an inch — the South loses its mind.


Kids grab sleds that were bought “just in case” ten years ago.

Adults put on boots that haven’t seen daylight since the last snow scare.

Everyone takes pictures of the same yard from five different angles.


Because in the South, snow isn’t about survival.


It’s about proof.


Proof that it happened.

Proof that we were there.

Proof that this story will be told for the next decade.


And when it melts by lunchtime?


That’s okay.


We’ll still say,


“Y’all remember that snow we had?”


Yes. Yes, we do. ❄️😄


Location: Mocksville, NC 27028, USA

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