Making a Great Marriage

When you’ve cross the milestone of marching your daughter down a 175 feet aisle, it gives you pause to look at the aisle you and your bride walked down yourself.

I remember that full moon evening on March 17, 1989.  I was a nervous 140-pound young man who walked out in front of family and friends onto the chancel of the Omwake Dearborn Chapel. As I watched the wedding planner open the doors into the 80-foot high gothic nave, I saw the most

Omwake-Dearborn Chapel

beautiful woman I had ever seen walk towards the candlelit transept. Even today, I remember my heart racing. We left that church and reception with the typical naïve expectation to what life would hold. We had only clues to what it would take to make for a good marriage. Our ride was just beginning.

Now, 27 years later, I am able to look back and see the road map that we forged to what I know my wife and I would call a good marriage.

First off, I will tell you that it didn’t just happen. There are so many things in this world that seek to destroy your marriage and happiness. So, what is it that makes two people happily devote themselves to each other for their life? I'll share with you my thoughts.

1.     Give when you want to get. Norman Maclean once said that “As humans, we are a d(ang) mess.” That quote was from one of my favorite books, "A River Runs Through It." I think what Maclean meant by this is we are all a product of a fallen world. By nature, we are selfish. In life and in marriage, when we allow “our wants” to be number one, we have set ourselves up for a selfish driven life. A selfish driven life means that we are putting our personal wants, needs, and desires above anyone, including our spouse. Many times it's because we are seeking control of the relationship or control of the relational environment. So, how do we give…when we want to get? I will tell you it is done with intentionality. Happenstance most likely will not work. You have to seek out the needs of your partner. Your goal in life should be to meet and exceed the other's expectations. The amazing thing is, overtime, your partner will see that you really want the best for them and they will begin to demonstrate reciprocity ( if they hadn’t already). As the years go by, if you do these things, you will bump into each other trying to serve the others' needs. Now that is a beautiful thing.

2.     Love even when you’re not being loved. I’d love to tell you that my wife and I have never fought. The fact of the matter is most couples do. It usually revolves around money, work or just plain being selfish (see the above paragraph). A repeated word I will use is the idea of loving someone with intentionality. Don’t look at all of the weaknesses of your spouse; rather, use their shortcomings to be a way to see your own. When your spouse treats you unloving, don’t lash out at then; rather love them. You may say “How do I love someone who is unloving?” Personally, I lean on my faith. My faith teaches me that I was loved when I didn’t offer love. Don’t be afraid to say “I’m sorry” or “you’re right” or maybe “babe, I disagree with you, but I love you more than I disagree”. Fights are like small field weeds, if left alone, and watered with more and more fights, they can grow into really big things and ruin a beautiful field of gold. Love your spouse. You’re just as imperfect as they are…. I promise. My acknowledgment of that reality changed my life!

3.     Seek after and devote yourself to what makes the other happy. Know your spouse's hobbies. Without a doubt, I know my wife’s hobbies, her sense of style, clothing, and her favorite perfume. I have studied her since we met.  I absolutely delight in seeing her happy. She is my best friend. No one, no earthly thing is more important than her….not a golf game, hunting trip, nights with the boys….nothing,  not even my children. Raising children is about preparing them to meet adult challenges; its about preparing them for potentially being wed someday. I believe the best way you can show your children love is through a loving healthy marriage. That bring security to them.

Call me old school, but I don’t want my wife to open doors, I offer her an arm walking down steps, and I always pay her compliments. I try in every way to make my wife’s life better. I don’t always succeed, but I honestly try.

27 Years

4.     Remember that marriage was not created by man, it was the invention of a Supreme Maker. This is the overarching idea that has made our marriage so great. We both look upward to a heavenly father. We both understand that He is more important than each other. I call it the positive triangulation of God. When we use this, we are able to see the calculation of our personal coordinates as it relates to God.  As each of us get closer to our Maker, we are drawn closer together. That is a beautiful thing. In your marriage, each of you should be seekers of God. All the things I have pointed out are attributes of His nature.

Marriage is not about chance, but it is a chance to show someone that they are number one, more important than yourself. When two people do that, they are showing just a small image of the love that God had for you with His Son. So, just think about it, in your marriage, you are showing a glimpse of God’s love for the world.  Humbly I will tell you that my wife and I got it right; and it has made all the difference. My goal is to make Elizabeth’s life the best it can be spiritually, physically and emotionally. As a middle age guy, I know the end of our ride will be great, no matter what struggles we are thrown, we have each other!
 

Consider reading Gary Chapman's book The Five Love Languages. This number one selling book has helped many marriages. If you'll just recently married, read it and invest in your relationship...You'll be glad you did.

Kyle

A Happy Marriage....what does it take

Vietnam...2239 day in a Vietnam prison

An American POW...2239 days

Just under 10 years after the end of the Vietnam war, I met my wife to be. Her father had been United States Air Force pilot. He never served in Vietnam, however, over the years,  many times I heard him speak about a particular American POW; his name was Ron Mastin.

RONALD LAMBERT MASTIN Captain - United States Air Force


Shot Down: January 16, 1967
Released: March 4, 1973

Held in captivity for 2239 days

My father-in-law died in 2010. However, stories about Mastin's heroic 2239 days in prison continued via my mother-in-law over the years. This Christmas, she shared with me a Christmas Card from Ron & his wife. I have never met Mr. Mastin, but after hearing his history from my in-laws and researching him on the net, it makes me proud to know that Milton Sharp, my father-in-law flew in the same cockpit with a great American hero....a hero who suffered like very few American service men ever had to.

Below, I have shared 6 parts of an interview with now, Lt Col. Mastin and three other Vietnam era POW s. I hope you will appreciate their stories, as I have.

And by the way, when you run into veterans of Vietnam (and of course all other conflicts), thank them. Look them in the eye and say thank you!

See Mastin's Veteran Tribute. 

Part 1

 Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Poetry Inspired by Montana

I have fallen for the water

I have fallen for the collective gathering of spring fed waters that cascade down the rocky valleys and mountainous terrains. Water that trickles over the rocks formed by time and river bottoms that remind you of God's hand holding the water, if for a moment.

Capturing the second that the dandelion pod make land on the silky trickling  river, and watching the mountain escaping her river bank to created the clouded horizon; and the only sovereignty that God allows is that of the bald eagle or the condor. Yet beneath the water only to rise for its food is the rainbow with its animated colors. And though God himself gives man the occasion to capture the power and the glory of this beauty, if not for a moment, for a lifetime in his heart.

Yes, like the waters that fall, I too have fallen for the river, the never ending river of God's glory.

T. Kyle Swicegood

Veteran's Day - 2015

 Veteran's Day 2015

As written from http://www.va.gov/opa/vetsday/vetdayhistory.asp

"In November 1919, President Wilson proclaimed November 11 as the first commemoration of Armistice Day with the following words: "To us in America, the reflections of Armistice Day will be filled with solemn pride in the heroism of those who died in the country’s service and with gratitude for the victory, both because of the thing from which it has freed us and because of the opportunity it has given America to show her sympathy with peace and justice in the councils of the nations…"
The original concept for the celebration was for a day observed with parades and public meetings and a brief suspension of business beginning at 11:00 a.m.
The United States Congress officially recognized the end of World War I when it passed a concurrent resolution on June 4, 1926, with these words:

Whereas the 11th of November 1918, marked the cessation of the most destructive, sanguinary, and far reaching war in human annals and the resumption by the people of the United States of peaceful relations with other nations, which we hope may never again be severed, and
Whereas it is fitting that the recurring anniversary of this date should be commemorated with thanksgiving and prayer and exercises designed to perpetuate peace through good will and mutual understanding between nations; and
Whereas the legislatures of twenty-seven of our States have already declared November 11 to be a legal holiday: Therefore be it Resolved by the Senate (the House of Representatives concurring), that the President of the United States is requested to issue a proclamation calling upon the officials to display the flag of the United States on all Government buildings on November 11 and inviting the people of the United States to observe the day in schools and churches, or other suitable places, with appropriate ceremonies of friendly relations with all other peoples."

Veteran's day is a special day, one where we can reflect on the service of men & women who put country above self. A friend of mine, Jeff Sims, a veteran and chairman of the Triad Flight of Honor spoke at one of our outings for World War II veterans; he said " a veteran is someone of gave the American people a blank check and said cash it, even if it means my life"



As an American, proud of our past and hopeful about our future, won't you join me in celebrating the brave men and women of our military....they're the best!

  

Part 1 - John Caudle

Part 2 John Caudle

Charle Craig Hanes

Fred Reidenbach

POW Harold Frank

Maj. Gen. George Johnson

My Friend Becky....My, she has a story!

I hope you enjoy this short story from my friend, Becky Tarlton. She is known all across North Carolina as a hardworking and honest auctioneer. Everybody's got a story....I think you'll enjoy hers!

T. Kyle

Shake my hand.  Good to see you.  I like an affirmative handshake.  There was a time when a contract was made and blessed with the shaking of hands.  My how things have changed.  How many times have you heard these sayings?  A person is only as good as their word.  A person’s word is their bond.  If you can’t say something good then say nothing at all.  Treat others as you wish to be treated.  There are many more but how many do we really try to live by?  I am sure we all fall short in some way or another.  I speak of my Dad every chance I get.  I always found him to be congenial with me and with others.  I never heard a cross word exchanged between he and my Mom.  Actually never heard him say a curse word until one time he was trying to load a very stubborn mule.  He and the mule were at odds.  He was hot and sweaty and so was the mule.  The mule kicked at him and he gave that ole mule a piece of his mind.  I immediately tattled on him.  My Dad was one of eleven children.  His own father passed away in the flu epidemic of 1918.  His mom remarried, but he also passed leaving the family to take care for themselves.   My dad started working in the Dan River Mill when he was 9 years of age.  His salary was to maintain the family.  While working in the mill he started trading horses and mules.  Keep in mind that in those days the farming as well as travel was via livestock.  Then came a time that my Dad was sick but still worked his mill shift.  The supervisor informed him he would be required to make a double shift.  He was sick and needed to go home.  He was told if he went home not to come back.  That was his last day in the mill.  He started trading to make a living.  The year was 1922 and trade was busy.  He traveled from county to county for court day.  On the day court was held in the county seat all the folks traveled to town.  Brought their wares to trade, buy and sale.  Dad said he always tried to end the day with a good saddle horse so travel to the next town would not be so hard on his bottom.  There were few hotels and he couldn’t afford one anyway.  He slept in cemeteries.  He claimed the deceased didn’t mind and the live ones didn’t linger around at night.  After hobbling the horses so they could graze he would bed down for the night.  During the trade days the farmers would bring in their cattle and horses for auction.  During the auction my Dad would be hooking horses behind the platform.  The teams were called snatch teams.  The farmers could see them work before purchase.  While my Dad was working he would me listening to and mimicking the auctioneer. 

On one such occasion the auction began but the auctioneer was less than competent.  The farmers were loosing excessive money.  They physically made the auctioneer leave the premises.  But then there was the dilemma.  There was a field of livestock and no auctioneer to work.  Someone exclaimed, get the kid in the back hooking teams.  He can sell the stock and he knows stock prices.  They put my Dad on the block that day and many days there after. 

His career started that day in 1926.  He continued to trade and auction.  He would bring horses in from the Dakotas via rail car.  He would have holding pens set up for their arrival and customers waiting to purchase as soon as the train arrived.  He had a livery stable in downtown Salisbury in an area known as Hogan’s Alley.  He would auction several horse and cattle sales per week.  By the 40’s and early 50’s he had several drivers hauling livestock from state to state.  Local farmers depended on him for good work stock to take care of their crops.  They would choose a work type horse early in the Spring and pay for it after the crops came in.  If the crops failed they would bring the horse back with their apologies.  The next year he would supply them another horse and wish them a better year.

My growing up years was filled with horses, mules and cows.  And of course the auction chant was a large part of my every day life.  My dad would work auctions that would last all day, all night and into the next day.  He would be weary and so tired when finally coming home.  There was his little girl ready to crawl in his lap.  Happy for his return, I would say, Daddy will you auction something for me?  You know that man’s voice was tired and his body was weary.  He would say,  Aww right now, take a look at it and what do ya want to give for it…and so it began.  I loved to hear him work.  My happiest days were spent on the auction block beside my dad.  I would not get down, just lay my head down and take naps.  Sometimes they let me ride the horses and ponies through the sale.  I would ride so many that I would fall asleep in the saddle while waiting my turn in the ring. 

At home I would stand on a box while auctioning to a make believe crowd.   I always desired to be an auctioneer.  My dad really tried to discourage me.  He knew the things that I enjoyed and would want to auction were reserved for men only.   So I started working retail while still in high school.  I continued to work and attend community college.  I did retail management for years and finally an armed nuclear security officer for McGuire Nuclear Station.  After all of that came a family.  Thankfully my three boys enjoyed horses as much as myself.  We traveled showing horses as well as participating in rodeo events.  At one such event they needed an auctioneer to sell their “Calcutta” riders.  There was no one to be found.  Someone said get Becky to do it.  I did and once again I had that burning desire to be an auctioneer. 

In 1987 I attended auctioneer school and things have never been the same since then.  It was a rigorous two weeks of study.  We were learning numbers, contracts and all the different kinds of auctions.  I met some wonderful people in that class and we are still friends today.  I believe there were about 63 students in that class.  When my Dad attended the student auction he listened attentively.  I ask him later what he thought and did he see future auctioneers.  He said yes there were several he thought would make it.  I ask him if I was one of them…all he did was raise his eyebrows.  I have seen that look many times in the past…like when he thought I paid too much for a horse or saddle.

My auction career started as a bid caller.  You know that is what I thought an auctioneer really was.  I sold at horse auctions in several locations.  Finally in 1995, I was hired at my first auto auction.  It was a big thing for me as well as all women.  Until that that day in June there were no female auto auctioneers in North Carolina.  I was such a novelty that when I would start selling the dealers from the other lanes would crowd into my lane just to hear the lady work.  Even now when I am at a commercial farm equipment auction it is usually an all male environment.  I like it…doesn’t bother me a bit.  I love the auction industry.  I must admit there have been lots of changes since those days of listening to my Dad.  Hand shakes are just that…a shake. 

You better have a good attorney written contract and sometimes those are not even good enough.  We do have a licensing board that does its best to weed out less desirable and corrupt people calling themselves auctioneers.  Our state provides continuing education to keeps us informed of new laws as well as helpful ideas and ways to improve our businesses.  The other big thing since I began is the Internet and online auctions.  Many of us have fought this modern age miracle but I believe this enhances our auctions.  I am not sure what my Dad would say about online and simulcast auctions but I believe he would be all for it.  He always believed a person could not have too much education and that we should try to learn something new everyday.  He did not have the opportunity for education.  His learning was self-taught through working and yet he was one of the smartest people I knew.  He could calculate in his head faster than you could enter it into a calculator.  He watched world and local news every day.  If he heard something he could remember every word.  If he saw your buyer number one time at the auction he would recall it. 

Any one that knows me surely knows I love the auction chant and the action of a live auction.  However these days I spend many hours cataloging for online only as well as live auctions.  We spend time with auction previews as well as auction checkouts.  In this day there is room for all of them.  We are so fortunate to be able to practice the way that is best for our seller and ourselves.  I am so pleased to be an auction professional.  My Dad was an auctioneer for his entire life.  He only slowed down when his vision would not allow him to see the bidders.  He might not could see them as well as he once did but he could still call the auction right up until he passed in 1996.  I was very blessed with loving parents and a Dad who was a good and kind person…and one great auctioneer!!

Post Comment: You can reach Becky on Facebook here! . I encourage you to reach out to her and give her your thoughts about her story!

Business lessons I learn from a cramped plane seat.

Some people hate flying. I'll admit, in my younger years, I was scared to death, tightly holding on to the arm rest, and having a racing heart at the slightest bump.

Times have changed however. I have found the solitude at 30,000 feet is golden. My cell phone is off, people are quiet and the constant hummmmm of the engines become peaceful. Today, I took off from McCarran Airport in Nevada and just as we reached our cruising altitude, the captain said, "look out the window to the right and you'll see Mt. Zion National park as well as the Grand Canyon,  the Colorado River and Monument Valley." All of these are huge land masses, but at 30,000 you can see it great. I can't help but think it's the view God in heaven must see as he looks down from his kingdom.

Today alone, we flew over Nevada, Arizona, Utah, Colorado, Kansas, Missouri, Tennessee, and North Carolina. Eight very distinctive and diverse eco-systems.

Back to the flight; I learn a lot about business by getting out of my world and visiting other areas; in fact,  I learn a lot by flying. Here's a few nuggets I take from my travels and flying.

1.  I think metaphorically, it pays to look at life, relationships, and business from above. So often when we are "on the ground" we are only able to look at situations, relationships and problems in a one dimensionless capacity. As I know you'll agree, life is not one dimensional. Try to view these areas of your life looking from 30,000....you'll see all aspects of them more clearly.
2. It really pays to have some quiet time. Now, I understand my introvert friends reading this are saying "ya think". But for us extroverts who complicate our lives by also being talk out loud- multi-taskers, consider having some quiet time. This is also a great time to reflect and exercise your spiritual life; prayer. When you look out your plane window, surely you are in awe!
3.  Be nice. It is so interesting to watch people with an entitled mentality get service from a flight attendant. I would say that serving a diverse group of people who are tired, hungry, cramped and sometimes scared is a very tough job. Nice just wins. That Golden Rule thing pays incredible dividends whether you're asking for that extra cup of java or working with fellow employees, team members or clients.
4.  Slow down and enjoy the view. On today's flight, I saw some spectacular views; canyons,

   

   Monument Valley

   rivers, mountains, and more. Being on a plane forces you to slow your world down (even though you're going about 400 miles per hours). Looking at your life from a high altitude gives you the ability to reflect on lots of positives. Quietly celebrate the great achievements as you look down, but also, look at the problems you have. I find that when you're taking that roof-top view of things, solutions can sometimes be more easily determined. 

These are just a few of the things that I thought about today at 30,000. The captain just said we're 300 miles from Charlotte....so, I'm going to look down on my life, exercise some quiet time, be nice to my neighbors and fellow team members,  flight attendants, think about my achievements, ponder on solutions for problems I may have, and finally, give thanks to the Lord above for such a beautiful country that I have flown across today.

T. Kyle