50 Eve

So, one day you wake up and realize  you're almost 50. You look at your parents and suddenly realize you can remember as a child when they reached that milestone.  Its funny how you begin having self talk the older you get. I've been asking myself the question..."are you really that old" or "has anything changed".... and maybe "have you accomplished all the things in life what  you have wanted."

A friend jokingly told me I was finally entering middle age. Quickly I did the math and realized that that happened about 10 years ago. So, I sit here quietly in my study at home trying to process this milestone...this number that everyone has been joking about with me for the last 12 months.

So, to answer the questions I have been asking myself; yes I'm really almost 50. Nothing has really changed since last year this time, however a lot has changed since I was 40. Seeing a change  over a decade does make you realize change does occur. But all change isn't all that bad. For instance, I've dated and lived with the same woman for 33 years. Together, we have changed...in so many ways. When I think back to the 17 year old high school student who looked at Elizabeth Sharp, a sweet little 16 year old....I thought I was in love. Boy does time make you realize what love really is.

So, has anything changed. Boy yes! So many things. As I mentioned in the previous paragraph, the love I have developed has grown into a word that four letters in 1984 couldn't comprehend. What else? Patience has matured as I've gotten older. Raising children into adulthood, starting a business at age 24 (and continuing that business for 26 years) and having so many emotional and economic ups and downs. All these things make the fabric that a person is made of. It makes you stronger

And the last question; have I accomplished all in life I wanted. Risking sounding over confident, the answer is pretty much yes. I have a four person family who loves Christ as their savior. That's amazing. God gave me the will, insight and determination to find my wife's birthmother. It took me 2 1/2 years, but it brought her together with her past and gave her a bond with brothers and sisters that otherwise would have never happen. That's a great wow moment in our marriage and life together. I have travel to so many places (with Elizabeth) and seen parts of the world I use to dream about. I have friends in my life who have been with me during those emotional and economic times....yet their friendship was like a shade tree with evergreen leaves.

Yes I'm 50. It bothered me at first, but then I realized how full my glass has been filled. I have drank from this glass so many times, yet God continues to fill back to the brim. I'm satisfied with my accomplishments, but stand ready to broaden my dreams, reach for new heights and prepared for what the future holds (If you know my children's age, you can only imagine what that is.)

So, 50...whats the big deal?

Kyle

Parenting thoughts from a middle aged father.

July 2006 our family at Cape Canaveral 

Parenting was an on-the-job training exercise for Elizabeth and me. I remember the first dirty diaper (about twenty minutes after Ashton was born). There I was, a 25 years old with what I thought was the daunting task of cleaning this foreign material that was in the cutest little diaper. It didn’t take me long to become a professional posterior disinfectant specialist. I look back on those days with incredible fondness. We were post-kids having kids. Like the trip we took to Cape Canaveral in 2006 seeing the Discovery take off, its been amazing  to watch them launch into adulthood.  I look at my children today and take great pride in the young adults they have become. I would love to say “we did good”, but maturity gives me the retrospective to understand it was God-Us-Family. I have a friend who asked me recently what I thought made good parenting. While my answer wasn’t exhaustive, I offered him some ideas that we had considered and used as young parents. Here are the cliff notes of what I shared.

      1.)   Church. Keep your children in church. Encourage, and sometimes require them to participate in church organized programs. Now, make no mistake, I don’t believe church saves, no more than owning a leather-bound bible...that's Jesus. I also recognize that even in Church Youth Groups there are negative influences. With that knowledge, I am confident that a child’s worldview is 2-part influence by family and 1-part influenced by friends. With this understanding, we always thought the risk was better for this "1-part” to come from a church environment than elsewhere. The writer in Proverbs 27:17 says “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another”.

Family camping at Grayson Highlands, Virginia  

      2.)   Alcohol and other addictive substances. Now, I am risking people calling me a hypocrite when they read this. When my kids were teens and pre-teens, we never kept alcohol in the house. Did we occasionally have a drink you might ask; yes. However, knowing that some people can't control alcohol consumption and that any high school student should not drink because of the danger, not to mention the law, we chose not to have alcohol in the house. As the kids got older and their maturity level increased, we explained that as an adult, you can make these types of decisions on your own. And alcohol, whether we like it or not is a gateway to controlling substances.  The pre-teen and high school mind many times doesn’t know how to say no to entering the next level. According to the 2015 National Survey on Drug Use and Health, about 7.7 million Americans between ages 12-20 report current alcohol consumption; this represents nearly 20% of this age group for whom alcohol consumption is illegal. Our position was to not make it taboo, but to not make it easily available.

      3.)   Understanding the pecking order. We always made it clear to our kids that our allegiance went in this order; God-each other-kids. Elizabeth and I always believed that the most effective parents were those who were one in spirit and mind. My kids will tell you to this day, “I heard my parents tell each other openly how much they loved and cared for each other”. I believe that priority of relationships will serve young parents well as they raise their children.

     4.)   Family: The strong core family that we had growing up was so important to us. Like roots that intertwine, parents who are loved and supported by grandparents creates a strong firm grounding. It provided compounding love. I dare say that my kid’s emotional strength comes

because of the investment their grandparents have put into them. 

      5.)   Social media, text messages, and website visits. Admittedly, my kids were raised on the front side of the world-wide web generation. Our attitude was, privacy in our house didn't exit. Just like the alcohol conversation, I believe there is so much “stuff” on the WWW that the developing child mind can't handle. Once that door of innocence is open, it can never be shut. Porn, mindless games, worldview challenges and so much more compete for the control of your child’s mind and initiative. Be careful. In the quiet corners of your child’s room, they could be traveling down paths that have lasting effects.

     6.)   Prayer. Probably the best parenting advice you can receive. I truly do believe that there is a God who seeks you and wants the best for your family.
      7.) Sex talk. One thing I noticed about many of my contemporaries when my kids were young was the fact that the "birds and the bees" were taboo. We knew that the kids were going to get "educated" by their peers, so we chose to that these conversations early...and regularly. If you don't, your kids will most likely learn about this from a worldview that probably doesn't mesh with yours.

      8.) Parenting doesn't end. I'm 50 years old and still listen to my parents advice. As my kids gain their independence, those bumper rails that were put up for their protection are now optional. But my goal is to be a father of adult children who are not afraid to tell me their heart, even tell me no, and most especially be the parents I had when they decide to enter their next phase of life. 

Parenting

Like I said, this is not an exhaustive list, but I truly believe these are good antidotes for parenting. Parenting is the greatest gift and requires such responsibility.  Looking back, I realize in so many ways I was an imperfect parent, but we both strove to love our children and in unity put them first. In the end, be sure that you consider parenting as a JV…joint venture. The creator of all is always there to be your best advocate. That's why they call him Father.

Kyle Swicegood

Never a Reckless Word

Miss Ella Reading Her Bible at the Store.

Grandmaw, as we called her, was born March 21, 1908. I think about her every spring as we leave winter and enter the budding spring. Living the unique life of having your grandmother sharing a house with your parents creates a special experience for a young man. I understood homemade biscuits, daily. I enjoyed the pride she took in making my bed sheets so taut on Sunday afternoons. She ran a country store just down the street from our house. Everyday around 7:15 she would walk down the street to work; rain or shine. This continued until she was 87.  She warmed the little German lap sided building with wood supplied by the neighboring lumber company. It was a unique environment where you drank sodas from a bottle and occasionally you’d pour Planter’s peanuts into a coke. There was a spittoon beside the cast iron wood stove. Neighbors, farmers and church goers would gather to talk about the weather, crops and community happenings.  I could write a book about the blessings she gave me as a child, but I won’t prolong this short blog. There are certain things I remember more than others. Probably the most significant picture of her in my mind is the one of her seated in front of the open door in her chair with her bible open. This was a daily scene that many who frequented the store will remember. A simple woman, she never spoke ill of people, even those people who ran up a large tab (credit on goods purchased in the store). Even today, I hear her speaking to me; I hear her with that soft country accent offering “truthful lips”, telling me they endure forever. Proverbs 12:18 “The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue lasts only a moment.”

Her words were never reckless, she never pierce people with a sword; in front of them or behind their back.

I’d love  to visit Miss Ella today. I’d love for her to see Ashton (my daughter) and Lewis (my son). I would have loved for her to have been at the celebration of Ashton’s wedding. But then again, I hope in some small way the goodness that she covered me with showed up that day and even today. So if you read this short novella, know that I was trying to honor my grandmother on her birthday. She would have been 109.

Biological Siblings..Adoption reunion

I went to my brother-in-law's wedding in Edmonton,Canada in early February.  It was exciting and somewhat a feeling of completion to watch Jeffrey McGonigal march his beautiful bride down the isle.

The significance of this wedding is compounded by the fact that my wife has only known her brother since 1995. He's not 22, he is 40 years old.  The story of an adoption reunion that happen 22 years ago has taken Elizabeth and me to Canada many times, but most especially four incredible times, including this one.

During my search from 1992-1995 for my wife's birth mother, thoughts of brothers and sisters weren't the driving forces. However, after Elizabeth's realization that she was the oldest sister in a family, she shifted from being a middle child in her adopted family to the oldest in her biological family; literally overnight. When we first landed in Edmonton Alberta, we were a young 27 years  old married couple. Her new siblings were 13 to 24 years old. Like long lost relatives, we were both greeted with enthusiasm by each of them. Like a seed planted in the ground, a beautiful tree began to grow, now years later with such deep roots.

As I sit in seat 5A on American Airlines heading south, I am so happy that we were able to be a part of all four of their weddings... most recently Jeffrey to his new beautiful bride Nicole.

Kevin & Beverly McGonigal, their children and new bride Nicole

We have a very unique family. Being adopted at the age of 9 weeks, sent Elizabeth down a path that I believe inevitably lead her to me. With all the things that could have happened to her, being an unplanned birth was her destiny, growing up on a farm in Texas defined the person she is, leaving a 17 member high school class at the age of 16, as difficult as that was, all brought her  to the town of a 17 year old boy who would fall in love with her and in a few years, be driven to connect her to her biological roots.

As I watched Jeffrey's bride, Nicole, walk down the isle, I thought about how pretty she was...  but, I also thought about how in a million years , how we could have missed this day, these relationships, and these continued feelings of completion. After the wedding, I walked down to the chancel of the Catholic Church, looked up, and said "only you God could have written this story....Thank you".

T. Kyle Swicegood

Adoption

Yhttps://youtu.be/UEMw3yIUFCk

This post is specifically for the MacDonald Bible Fellowship class

I hope this video will shed some light on the adoption each of you have thru God, our father.

Elizabeth Swicegood

Santorini

Our day started off around 8 AM. We were tendered over to the island of Santorini, Greece in the town of Thira. When we landed at the dock, we had the option of taking a gondola or donkey up the 1500 feet track to the town center. We chose the gondola. Our good friends Ed and Melissa Godby suggested earlier in the week that we consider the trail to Oia. Oia or Ia is a small town on the South Aegean Sea. The trail is approximately 4.2 miles and was along the Cliffs of the island over a volcanic landscape.

So we took them up on this challenge. The 1st mile and a half was through an area that had carved out of rocks some of the most beautiful white stucco hotels with swimming pools. The trail at this point was like walking through old streets of antiquity. However after that first 40 minutes of walking, we began to greet the less populated area of the trail.

I would estimate that the trail dropped 700 feet over the next half mile. The cobblestone turned into volcanic gravel. Along the way you would find beautiful flowers, cactus, and the occasional befriending dog who followed us along the way. There was a certain area where the trail was right beside a drop off and caused you to take each step with precaution.

If you notice Elizabeth's left shoulder you will see a white Village. That was our destination. To the right of her shoulder you will see the mountain that we crossed to get there.

As we made our way down we could see in the distance the alabaster colored homes that seems so far away. But as we dropped 700 feet or so, we realized that we would have to go back up to breach the mountaintop. There were beautiful rock structures along the way and walls of lava that had harden from the last volcanic explosion that took place on this island.

When we reach the second peak we were able to look down into the city and see our destination ahead. By this point we were all tired...all 12 of us. Along the way, we would have to be careful because there were other friends who traveled on the same trail to get to the village. (See below)

 As we reach the small town, I noticed an executive helicopter flying over the island. I decided to get some photography of it as it was so close to us. There did not seem to be a helipad nearby but nevertheless this helicopter decided to land practically right on top of us. I yelled to the crowd "close your eyes and get behind the dumpsters". Unfortunately the dumpsters were the only thing that kept us from getting sandblasted by the helicopter. We were covered in grit, dirt, and the smell from the dumpsters was unbearable. So we walked on into the town...tired and hungry, our main goal was to find a restaurant, sit down re-hydrate and have a Greek  feast. We found just the place to eat that had the most incredible view of the sea. I had an incredible salad with balsamic vinegar dressing and a Greek pizza. For dessert I enjoyed a strong cup of espresso and a baklava that was homemade and delicious.

Our eight hour experience in Santorini has only wet my appetite for this quaint village. I'm ready to come back. Am I tired? absolutely! Am I taken by this island, Absolutely!

Mykonos, Greece

What a long hot sunny day. At 9:30, we were picked up at the ship by our new Grecian Friend Costas. I hand no idea that by day's end, we would be friends with his son Nicos and Alex and wife Jo. Rather than spending time in the touristy area, we hired this family to take us to the north side of the island. There we would be fitted with our snorkel gear and introduced to our two man kayak. The day included a 4.5 mile paddle into the ocean around a rock formation with a blow hole. Despite the taxing effort of paddling all those miles, the view was amazing. Rock formations, fish, bleach white houses with beautiful greenery growing up the walls. At 1 PM we settled in for a gourmet Lunch. Costas mother made home olives, we had bread that was made that morning, fresh tomatoes and a fresh Tzatziki Sauce made by his mother. Can you taste it? It met our appetites expectation.